


Someday You'll Find Me On Top of the World

by ObnoxiouslyZukka



Series: Moral of the Story [1]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: (mostly from Jet and other minor characters), Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern with Bending (Avatar), Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Discussion of Abortion, Eventual Sokka/Zuko (Avatar), Gaang (Avatar) as Found Family, Gen, Iroh (Avatar) is a Good Uncle, Jet (Avatar) Is An Asshole, M/M, Nightmares, Past Jet/Zuko (Avatar), Past Sexual Assault, Past Sokka/Suki (Avatar), Pregnant Zuko, Protective Gaang (Avatar), Rape Recovery, Trans Zuko (Avatar), Unplanned Pregnancy, Victim Blaming
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-07
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:08:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26864905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ObnoxiouslyZukka/pseuds/ObnoxiouslyZukka
Summary: At a routine checkup, Zuko finds out he's pregnant. Which is utterly baffling considering he's never had sex - at least not penetrative sex. He'd been very clear with Jet that he just wasn't ready for that and maybe Jet could be a little pushy sometimes but he would back off if Zuko said 'no' enough.There were a few drunken nights that Zuko couldn't quite remember... But Jet wouldn't, would he?No, Zuko was sure his boyfriend wouldn't do that to him.Except hedid.There was no other explanation for the pregnancy and while blood tests might get mixed up, ultrasounds don't lie. Neither does the way Jet's face drains of color as he tries to stammer out excuses when Zuko confronts him.Left feeling utterly broken, violated, and drowning in regret with several difficult decisions to make, Zuko has no idea what to do.Luckily he has some amazing friends and perhaps the best Uncle in the world on his side ready to support him through whatever choices he makes.Their love and support doesn't erase all of the pain, anger, and anxiety that he feels but knowing he's not alone gives Zuko the strength to keep going despite it all.
Relationships: Sokka/Zuko (Avatar), The Gaang & Zuko (Avatar)
Series: Moral of the Story [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1860361
Comments: 119
Kudos: 315





	1. The Frightened Face of a Stupid Mistake

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone!
> 
> This story is essentially replacing my series 'Moral of the Story' as I went through and outlined the rest of the series, I realized that it was going to be between around 20-30 parts and keeping it as a series with individual parts as one shots just wouldn't work out.
> 
> So I made a multi-chapter story for it instead!
> 
> If you've already read what's currently posted of the series, I'd still suggest reading this from the start because it is slightly different. 
> 
> I'm determined to keep this to an 'M' rating at the _most_ so nothing will be graphically described but because of the plot and storyline there are going to be discussions about sexual assault, some vaguely described nightmares/flashbacks, and also the discussion of rape culture with some mild victim-blaming from minor characters. 
> 
> In the chapters that feature the nightmares and flashbacks I'll put an additional warning in the notes just so no one is surprised by the contents of the chapter.
> 
> Lastly, I want to take a moment to say that this story is very heavily based on some of my own personal experiences. Everyone reacts to trauma differently, there is no right or wrong way to react and definitely no distinct timeline on recovery from something like this. I am, quite honestly, writing this fic as a way to process and continue healing from my own trauma. So please keep that in mind if you have any criticisms.
> 
> With all of that said and out of the way - I hope you like it! Please don't hesitate to leave a comment if you do <3

An odd sort of nauseating numbness settled over Zuko as he got into his car, parked in one of the last rows outside of the Planned Parenthood office where he’d been getting his testosterone prescription. 

_Had been._

Instead of a quick visit for a new script, like he was expecting, he spent two hours being ushered to different parts of the building. Two rounds of bloodwork. Urine samples. Several people - his doctor, a lab tech, a social worker - asking him the same questions over and over again as if his answers would change. 

_No, I’ve never had sex. Yes, I have a boyfriend. Yes, he’s cisgender. No, I’m not on birth control. No, we’ve never had penetrative sex, I already said that. Yes, I’m sure. Yes, I trust him._

_No, I’m not pregnant. The test has to be wrong._

Then finally, after a lot of arguing and even more denial, they sent him for an ultrasound.

Zuko turned the key in the ignition, hearing his car roar to life. He drove straight to his boyfriend’s apartment. Unthinking, unfeeling, barely blinking as he drove. 

He had to do this _now_. Before the brewing emotions broke through his calm dissociation. There was no way he’d be able to face Jet afterwards.

The creak of the apartment door made Zuko hesitate for just a moment, hearing Jet shouting curses overtop of the sounds of some first person shooter game, before coming in and gently shutting the door behind him. 

Zuko didn’t bother to remove his shoes or hang up his keys. The papers he’d gotten from Planned Parenthood clutched in one hand as he stared, still in the entryway, at where Jet was sitting on the old, slowly deteriorating couch. Headset on, deep in the middle of a game. 

Taking slow, deliberate steps, Zuko sat on the equally as old yet mismatched chair adjacent to the couch. Papers turned inward so Jet couldn’t see the ultrasound picture sitting on top and just quietly watching Jet even though Jet barely gave him a second glance. 

Zuko wasn’t sure how long Jet played before the game was paused and Jet was telling his friends to hold on a minute. 

Then Jet’s eyes met his and suddenly, Zuko felt that calmness start to slip and crack.

“What’s going on, babe?” Jet asked, tugging his headset down around his neck. “Why’re you sitting over there staring at me like that?”

Zuko swallowed against the lump in his throat, taking in a deep breath as the empty hollowness inside of him suddenly flooded with a mix of anxiety and anger. “I had a doctor’s appointment today,” he said but it came out weird. Shaky, dry. 

“Yeah. I know. Did something go wrong?” he asked. Zuko didn’t know how to even answer that. Just staring over at Jet, trying to think of what to say. “You’re looking at me like you just got a death sentence, babe, talk to me,” he coaxed, a hint of irritation in his tone.

“They’re… taking me off of testosterone,” Zuko managed before he just couldn’t look Jet in the face anymore, dropping his head to stare at the papers in his hand. 

“Why’s that?” 

“Well they…” he cleared his throat, why couldn’t he just talk normally? “They took a blood test to see uh - look at hormone levels,” Zuko managed, glancing up at Jet after a moment of silence to see the other man staring expectantly at him.

“Okay. And…?”

Zuko chewed on the inside of his cheek, glancing up and down between the papers and Jet. “They - Um - They asked what I was doing for… for birth control,” he said, starting to trip over his words as reality set in.

Jet frowned, eyebrows furrowing at him. “I mean… you’re on testosterone, that’s - You can’t get pregnant on that,” he hesitated, “Right?”

When Zuko looked back up at Jet, he could see the rising panic in his eyes, color draining from his face. 

Zuko stayed silent.

“Right, babe?” he prodded, taking his headset completely off and setting it next to him before turning to face Zuko more. He was opening his mouth to say something again when Zuko cut him off.

“No.”

The word came out louder and more firm than Zuko had intended, but seeing Jet flinch back was mildly satisfying. 

Jet swallowed audibly. “Oh,” he breathed, Zuko could see a bead of sweat rolling down his face. “But -”

“But that shouldn’t even matter, should it?” Zuko cut off again, anger rising up, boiling over inside of him. “Since we’ve never had sex,” he said, looking down at the papers again, shifting his grip on them when he noticed the edges were slightly singed. “Because… we haven’t, have we?” his words were starting to shake, voice cracking slightly, tears stinging his eyes.

“Baby, I-I don’t get why you’re asking this,” Jet stammered. “You know we haven’t.” 

Zuko couldn’t stop the burst of startled, incredulous laughter that came from him as hot tears spilled over. “Yeah. Guess not,” he muttered, words coming out strangled, tears dripping off his chin. “Anyways,” he sniffled, wiping at his face with the sleeve of his shirt, “You - You can’t… can’t have sex w-with someone that’s… fuckin’ passed out drunk, can you?” 

“Zuko, I-”

“It’s not,” - Zuko’s breath hitched - “Not called ‘sex’ anymore.”

“No - No, baby, th-that’s not - That didn’t happen,” Jet stammered.

Honestly, Zuko was proud of himself for not either burning the papers to a crisp or just throwing them at Jet. Instead holding them out, albeit shakily, so Jet could see the test results and ultrasound pictures, an arrow pointing to what was obviously a baby even in the first stages of development.

“How am I pregnant, then?” Zuko asked, voice small and shaky and barely audible over the sound of his own heart thumping against his ribcage. 

Jet almost looked like he was going to pass out. 

Zuko almost hoped he would.

“I, fuck, shit, Zuko,” Jet stuttered in a rush of air. “I-I didn’t know - I didn’t… realize that - that you were… That you d-didn’t… You didn’t _seem_ that drunk, okay? Y-You weren’t… like… unconscious - I swear - I-I thought you wanted to - Zuko, please. I-I never thought you’d… th-that this would happen, okay? If - If I knew you could… could get pregnant then…”

“Then what?” Zuko snapped when Jet’s words trailed off. “What, Jet? Then you’d - y-you would’ve used a-a fucking condom when you raped me?”

“No. No. Zuko, I didn’t… _rape_ you, fuck. That’s not - not what that was. I-I just didn’t think -”

The fear that flashed over Jet’s features for a moment when Zuko let out a burst of fire burning those papers was less satisfying than Zuko had hoped it would be. “Yeah. Obviously,” Zuko scoffed, flicking ash off his fingers as he stood.

“Zuko, wait -”

“I’ll see you in court,” Zuko said, the words coming out far weaker than he wanted them to - watery and hoarse - and even the loud slam of the door behind him couldn’t make up for it.

It took several minutes before Zuko managed to calm himself down enough to drive, just sitting in his car in Jet’s driveway trying to figure out where to even _go_. 

He couldn’t go back home. Not right now. Not alone. 

Uncle was probably at the tea shop working and Zuko really didn’t want Iroh to see him like this, anyways.

Zuko stared at his phone through watery, unfocused eyes, barely even able to type out a semi-coherent text to the first person in his contacts. 

**ru homw?**

Less than a minute went by before Aang responded but it felt like an eternity. 

**yea, what’s up? you ok?**

Zuko didn’t respond. Just tossed his phone into the cupholder and started driving towards Aang and Sokka’s apartment. 


	2. It's Not Your Fault

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!
> 
> Okay so this chapter got a lot longer than I had intended but... oh well. I can't promise all of them are going to be this long - it really just depends on what I feel like will flow and where a good cutoff point will be so we shall see.
> 
> Anyways - 
> 
> **Warnings:** There is some pretty heavy victim-blaming and attempts at manipulation via text messages from Jet towards the end of the chapter. And a lot of dissociation, anxiety, and emotional distress from Zuko's POV (as much as I feel like that's expected with a topic like this I still wanted to give a lil extra warning because it is VERY heavy in this chapter.)
> 
> Though there's also appearances from Appa and Momo as well as a _very_ protective Sokka and some good Zuko & Katara friendship moments.
> 
> Enjoy!

It took nearly 40 minutes for Zuko to pull himself together enough to get out of his car and walk up the stairs to Aang and Sokka's apartment. 

40 minutes of absolute rage and despair boiling over to the point that it was all Zuko could do not to set his car on fire in the parking lot.

Still feeling all sorts of raw but not quite so much like a ticking bomb anymore, Zuko knocked on the door. It only took a couple minutes for Aang to answer and greet him with a smile that quickly slid off his face when he actually saw him.

"Hey, Zuko," Aang frowned, brow furrowing in concern.

“...Can I come in?” Zuko asked after a moment of stunned silence from Aang. 

Zuko couldn’t blame him, though. He knew he looked like hell - face all red and puffy from crying, eyes bloodshot and his voice sounded just as raw and wrecked as he looked. All hoarse and raspy from a mix of sobbing and screaming at nothing in his car while trying to pull himself together enough to make it up to Aang’s apartment.

“Yeah, of course, sorry,” Aang said, stepping aside to let Zuko come in and closing the door behind him while Zuko kicked his shoes off. “Um - Katara is here. Sokka should be home any minute so just… make yourself comfortable.”

“Hi, Katara,” Zuko sighed, collapsing onto the opposite side of the couch from her and pulling his legs up against his chest in an attempt to feel a little less vulnerable. Having a large, excessively fluffy dog that was Appa squeeze in on the cushion between himself and Katara helped. 

“Hey, Zuko,” Katara said in a soft, concerned voice. “Are you okay?”

“No,” Zuko mumbled against his knees, jerking away and pressing further into the corner of the couch when Katara’s hand brushed his shoulder. “Don’t touch me,” Zuko’s voice wavered, tears welling up again. “Please,” he added through gritted teeth, wiping away the new tears with his sleeve. 

“I’m sorry,” Katara winced, “I... should have asked.” 

Zuko didn’t respond. Instead he turned his attention to the dog nudging at his elbow, dropping his hand to pet Appa. The feeling of soft fur under his hand and repetitive motion of stroking down Appa’s back helped to calm him down so he just focused on that while pulling himself back together.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Aang sit on the floor in front of Katara, the two of them having one of their annoying silent conversations trying to figure out what to do. 

Not that he was any help. Zuko also had no idea what to do. He just knew he couldn’t be alone and that Aang’s apartment always promised fluffy companions that usually helped him calm down. He didn’t see Momo yet but assumed the little bat-eared cat was napping somewhere. 

Zuko jerked his head up towards the door when he heard it open to see Sokka walk in. Phone in hand and already speaking before he was even halfway through the door.

“Have you guys heard from Zuko? Jet’s been blowing up my phone aski - _Oh_ ,” Sokka cut himself off, swallowing audibly as his eyes landed on Zuko.

“Don’t tell him where I am,” Zuko said in a rush - his voice trembling and words coming out way more breathy than intended. 

He sounded scared. Weak. And he _hated it_.

“O-kay,” Sokka said slowly, slipping his shoes off and setting down his laptop bag and keys. “Did… something happen?” Sokka asked.

"Jet and I broke up," Zuko muttered numbly - as if that was all that happened. He just couldn’t find the words to explain everything else. Just running through it in his head. What would he even say?

_You guys were right about him. I should have listened instead of being so damn prideful and stubborn. I fucked myself over again by trusting the wrong person and now I’m pregnant._

“Oh, Zuko, I’m sorry. We’re all here for you if you want to talk,” Katara said sympathetically.

“Or we can just sit and watch something if you don’t want to,” Aang added.

Their voices seemed far away and Zuko couldn’t fully process a response in his head. Not when it was all he could do to just keep breathing. Gut-wrenching regret twisting in his stomach, travelling through his chest, suddenly acutely aware of how the binder he wore was digging into his ribs and making every lungful of air he took in _hurt_. 

Sokka’s voice - cold steel overtop molten hot anger - brought Zuko back to reality.

“Did he hurt you?” 

Zuko sucked in a sharp breath, honestly unsure how to answer that. Physically, no, Zuko wasn’t _hurt_. No damage had been done. No bruises or cuts or anything like that. But his soul had been shattered to a million sharp pieces and now he had to try and glue those pieces back together. 

He couldn’t help but feel like it was partially his fault, though. He should’ve listened when they told him that Jet was bad news. That he was bound to get hurt if he stayed with him.

He could’ve prevented this all if he had just _listened_.

“...Zuko?” Katara prompted worriedly and the words left his mouth without thought or feeling.

“I’m pregnant.”

The stunned silence that followed made him slowly look up to see three identical wide-eyed stares.

“I found out today,” he continued, fixing his gaze on the water stains on the coffee table. 

No one else said anything, so Zuko continued to talk. Just rambling whatever came to mind and barely even realizing it, the only thing keeping him tethered to here-and-now being Appa’s warmth at his side and under his hand.

“I - Um - I went to get routine blood tests for a - a refill and… I didn’t believe it at first,” Zuko muttered, numbly talking in a low, raspy monotone that was slowly unravelling. “I don’t remember ever… I didn’t want to do _that_. I was sure I’d - I would know but - but there was… I mean a-a few nights when - when I was too drunk a-and everything’s k-kinda hazy but… but Jet said we d-didn’t and… so I-I didn’t - I just… trusted him,” Zuko’s voice cracked. “I had no idea,” he ended in a whisper, squeezing his eyes shut against a fresh wave of burning tears - honestly surprised there were any left. 

“Oh my God,” Katara whispered. “Zuko, I’m so sorry.”

“Is there… anything we can do?” Aang asked.

Sokka stayed eerily quiet.

“I just don’t want to be alone,” Zuko muttered thickly, sniffling softly and trying to wipe away the tears as they came.

“You don’t have to be. You can stay as long as you need to,” Aang assured him firmly. 

“We all love you and we’re all here for you no matter what,” Katara added. “We’ve all got your back, Zuko.”

Zuko barely muttered out a shaky, “Thanks,” before Sokka finally spoke.

"I can't believe he did that," he growled, voice shaking. "Then had the nerve to fucking text me like he's worried."

"...You warned me," Zuko said, "I could've - I should've known. I shouldn't have even been with him.”

“We warned you about him being a fucking bully in high school. Not… this,” Sokka scoffed. “No one could've known he’d do something like this. We all knew he was an asshole but _this_ is a whole new level.”

Zuko gave a half-shrug. At least no one was saying ‘I told you so’ like he expected. “Still, I… took the bait. Let him gaslight me into drinking more. I-I could’ve -”

"No, Zuko,” Sokka interrupted fiercely, taking long strides over to Zuko and crouching down in front of him so he was in Zuko’s line of vision. “Hey, look at me,” Sokka said with absolutely no room for argument in his tone, waiting for Zuko to look back at him - irritated, red-rimmed, watery honey brown eyes meeting fiery blue ones - before continuing to speak.

“ _This isn't your fault_ ,” Sokka said with so much forceful conviction accentuating each word that Zuko had no choice but to at least partially believe it. “The only person to blame here is _Jet_ ,” Sokka ended in a growl deep enough that Zuko could feel the boiling anger in his bones when he said Jet’s name.

It was oddly comforting, having someone else just as angry about it all as he was. It made Zuko feel not quite as crazy for screaming his rage out in his car damn near until his lungs stopped working because if he hadn’t he was sure he would have exploded in a fire-y mess by now.

Zuko could vaguely hear Aang and Katara agreeing and reaffirming what Sokka said but it didn’t quite have the same effect. Instead, he realized that the three of them were all very heavily focused on _him_ and that knowledge made his skin crawl.

"I-I don't… can we… stop talking about it now?" Zuko rasped out, burying his face against his knees again to escape from everyone’s gaze. He could hear Sokka settle into the recliner next to the couch and, when Appa nudged at him, he blindly continued to pet him.

“Do you wanna watch something instead?" Aang suggested gently after a few silent moments.

“Sure,” Zuko agreed, the word barely audible and cracking but Aang apparently heard it anyway. 

“Okay. Great. Um. Katara and I were still catching up on Sabrina if -”

“That’s fine,” Zuko cut him off hollowly, not able to find it in himself right now to apologize for the rudeness. No one said anything, though, a heavy silence filling the air until the intro to the show came on.

Not being expected to talk or do anything made it a little easier for Zuko to breathe. The binder was still becoming increasingly more uncomfortable and he knew he should probably take it off but that would involve having to get up and draw attention to himself and he wasn’t sure he could handle that right now.

So he didn’t. Just stayed curled up in a protective ball, playing with Appa’s fur, and listening to the sounds of a show he’s already watched play in the background. About halfway through Appa abandoned him, but he was already feeling more grounded and managed to at least partially uncurl himself. 

Aang and Katara were intently watching the show, Sokka fidgeting and doing something on his phone next to him. 

The normality and calmness helped Zuko relax further and by the end of the episode he didn’t feel nearly as intensely emotional and disconnected as before.

When Sokka said he was going to make dinner for everyone, Zuko offered his help. Figuring that keeping busy would help further ease his mind and, while he may not be great at actually cooking, he’s always found preparing food with Sokka to be soothing and fun.

And then he could slip away for a second to remove his binder.

"You're already pretty miserable so I guess I'll give you a pass on chopping the onion today," Sokka joked as they walked into the kitchen.

"So generous," Zuko rolled his eyes, getting a fond smile in return as Sokka grabbed some things from the fridge before asking Zuko to cut up the rest of the veggies they were using.

The two of them worked in comfortable silence for a little while - well, aside from Sokka’s humming and the sound of the TV in the background - until everything was prepped for cooking and they were just waiting for the oven to finish preheating. 

Zuko lingered around, getting a glass of water to drink before Katara started to pester him about staying hydrated. Just leaning against the counter and sipping on it, trying to subtly readjust his binder so it wouldn’t dig into his skin so much. Honestly trying to decide if he wanted to ask to borrow a hoodie or just deal with feeling somewhat exposed in the shirt he was wearing.

“You can borrow a T-shirt or hoodie if you want something more comfortable to wear,” Sokka offered before Zuko even said anything, staring over at him from across the kitchen.

Apparently he hadn’t been that subtle about it.

Oh well. 

“Yeah. Thanks,” Zuko said, hesitating a moment. “...Does this mean I’m no longer on the hoodie-borrowing blacklist?” he asked, remembering the last time he had borrowed a hoodie and Sokka told him that he was banned from taking anymore until he returned the ones he had.

Sokka laughed, as if that was the last thing he was expecting Zuko to say. “Only if you promise to bring it back,” he grinned. 

“I will,” Zuko said. “Eventually,” he added under his breath as he took another sip of water. 

“Seriously, dude, between you and Suki I’m shocked I even have any left,” Sokka rolled his eyes.

“I have no control or responsibility over what Suki does with your hoodies but _I_ returned most of the ones I borrowed,” Zuko defended himself.

Sokka scoffed, shaking his head. “You only returned them because -” he cut himself off abruptly but Zuko knew exactly what he was going to say anyway.

_Because Jet made you._

It was true. Jet hated that Zuko had a collection of his friend’s clothes. Sokka’s hoodies. A few sweatpants he’d unintentionally stolen from Aang. Running shorts Suki let him borrow. A couple scarfs and hats that Katara had piled onto him during the winter. They all had a fair share of his, too. Jackets, button-ups, band tees, jeans. Even so, Jet complained about how ‘uncomfortable’ it made him until Zuko gave them back.

Save for a few things here or there.

“Fuck, Zuko, I-I didn’t mean to - I’m sorry,” Sokka cringed.

Zuko was more bothered by how weird and tense the air around them became than the cut-off statement itself - Sokka’s apology far more uncomfortable than the words he was apologizing _for_. 

But Zuko had no idea how to say that, so he didn’t.

“It’s fine,” he muttered instead, examining his water glass so he wouldn’t have to look at Sokka. 

The oven beeped then and Sokka moved to put the food in and set a timer which broke the tension up a little bit, thankfully. Zuko downed the rest of his water, about to say that he was going to go change when Sokka spoke.

“Hey, seriously, are you gonna be okay?” he asked, all soft and worried in a way that made Zuko pause before answering. He knew Sokka wasn’t just asking about the moment of weirdness but about everything going on. 

“I don’t know,” Zuko breathed, it’s not like anyone would believe him if he said ‘yes’ anyways. “Eventually, probably,” he muttered with a shrug.

Sokka chewed on his lip, brows furrowing thoughtfully as he leaned against the counter. “Why don’t you stay the night? I’m sure Aang won’t mind you crashing here,” Sokka offered.

“Yeah, I… probably will,” Zuko said. He knew he’d have to go home sooner or later but the thought of doing so - going back _alone_ , no less - right now filled him with overflowing dread.

“Great,” Sokka’s smile lit up his face and things felt _right_ again. “Now go change before you pass out, dude, you’re not looking that great.”

Unable to actually argue that, Zuko settled for flipping off his friend as he went to find something to wear. Finally able to take off his binder and trade out his fitted tee and jeans for one of Sokka’s baggier hoodies and a pair of pajama pants which was _much_ comfier. 

The four of them kept watching Sabrina until dinner was done and Sokka suggested a few rounds of CAH afterwards which proved to be a much better distraction than a show he’s already seen. 

Honestly, Zuko almost forgot what happened earlier - getting lost in the friendly teasing, crude jokes of the card game, and how easy and comfortable it was just to spend time with his friends - until Sokka regretfully retreated to his room to do some homework and Katara and Aang went to bed a little while later.

Momo joined him not long afterwards, curling up on his lap after he’d settled back onto the couch, scrolling through TikTok in a desperate attempt to distract himself from the _thirty-three_ text messages that Jet sent.

He knew looking at them would be a bad idea but the notification taunted him whenever he went to his home screen for any reason. 

Zuko was already in his text thread with Jet before he fully realized what he was doing. But he was already there and there was no going back. 

He never regretted anything more in his life. 

_2:53pm_ **come back and talk to me**

**__** _2:55pm_ **Srsly, zuko you didn’t even give me a chance**

**__** _3:12pm_ **dammit, where are you? No one’s answering me**

**__** _3:32pm_ **what the fuck did you tell them?**

**__** _3:35pm_ **just pls come back and talk to me**

**__** _3:36pm_ **I wanna work this out**

**__** _3:41pm_ **please, baby, it’s not what you think**

**__** _3:44pm_ **you weren’t ‘passed out’**

**__** _3:46pm_ **and we both know if you didn’t actually want it you could’ve fucking stopped me you can firebend for fucks sake**

**__** _3:49pm_ **you were asking for it, pretty much begging, was i just supposed to ignore that?**

**__** _4:00pm_ **don’t act like a slutty tease next time**

**__** _4:04pm_ **got yourself fucking knocked up and now you’re blaming me for it**

**__** _4:10pm_ **bet you did this on purpose**

**__** _4:13PM_ **what tf do you even want from this?**

**__** _4:13pm_ **you know i don’t have shit for money**

**__** _4:15pm_ **fucking greedy ass trust-fund baby**

**__** _4:19pm_ **should’ve known you’d do this fuck**

**__** _4:20pm_ **too pretty not to be crazy**

**__** _4:21pm_ **gonna go around telling everyone i’m a fucking rapist**

**__** _4:22pm_ **knew you’d go making shit up bc you regretted it**

**__** _4:25pm_ **as if you’re all innocent being a goddamn tease all the time**

**__** _4:26pm_ **saying everything goes except for fucking**

**__** _4:26pm_ **stupid as shit should’ve left then**

**__** _4:28pm_ **probably lied about being a virgin, too**

**__** _4:30pm_ **you were pretty fucking loose**

**__** _4:33pm_ **for all i know that kid might not even be mine**

**__** _4:41pm_ **i only fucked you like 3 times there’s no way you got pregnant from that**

**__** _4:57pm_ **God dammit, zuko, just fucking answer me**

**__** _5pm_ **Ill forgive you if you just come back and talk to me about this**

**__** _5:02pm_ **thats all you gotta do just answer me lets work this out**

**__** _5:03pm_ **please, baby you know i love you. you know i wouldnt hurt you**

**__** _10:22pm_ **you can’t ignore me forever. i know where you work and live. i know your class schedule**

**__** _10:23pm_ **Ill just come fucking find you since you wanna be a fucking child about it**

Zuko couldn’t help but read and re-read them, eyes catching on one particular text. 

_4:41pm_ **i only fucked you like 3 times there’s no way you got pregnant from that**

_Three_ times _._

Zuko’s stomach churned, breaths coming out uneven, hands clammy and shaking. 

Zuko _vaguely_ remembers one time. At least, he’s pretty sure he does. He remembers Jet undressing him and touching him. Not much else, though, and even then it’s hazy. He woke up wearing one of the few hoodies that Jet didn’t know he had stolen from Sokka and the same underwear he had on the night before. 

That morning was also hazy. Hungover to the point of being sick, Jet was suspiciously attentive and doting that morning but denied that anything happened the night before. Zuko didn’t have any reason not to trust him, figured if anything _did_ happen it was just what they’ve done before.

But that was only once. The _last_ time because Zuko kept his promise to himself to never get that drunk again - which was easy considering even the thought of tequila made him gag after being so sick from it.

Otherwise, Zuko couldn’t even guess when the other two times were. It’s not like he got that drunk very often.

But there were _three times_. And Zuko didn’t even know.

“Oh God,” Zuko muttered nauseously, clamping a hand over his mouth and dropping his phone onto the couch as he scrambled to get up. Momo grumbled as he was displaced, but it was all Zuko could do to try and just make it to the bathroom so he wouldn’t vomit all over his friends’ carpet. 

Incidentally shoulder-checking Katara as she was coming out of the bathroom - currently unable to apologize in lieu of hunching over the toilet and spilling his guts out.

He could tell Katara was saying something to him but couldn’t make out what it was over the pounding of his heart and ringing in his ears. Stomach heaving painfully and shaking hands weakly gripping the seat, trying his best to avoid getting any vomit in his hair until Katara gently gathered up the strands of hair that had fallen around his face and pulled them back so they weren’t in the way. 

_Three times._

Zuko couldn’t get it out of his head.

Jet raped him _three times_ without Zuko even realizing it. 

What else could have happened?

Even when his stomach was completely empty, his whole body shook with painful dry heaves every time that thought swirled back around. He could hardly even breathe, heart pounding hard enough to hurt, and the ringing in his ears getting ever louder. 

The sound of Katara’s voice filtered back in just as he started to sway. Worried and urgent, her hands abandoning his hair to grip his shoulders and ease him back against her lap. 

“...Slow breaths, in… and out,” Katara said, her voice calmer now. “You’re okay, Zuko. I’ve got you.” 

One of her hands started to comb through his hair, gently working out tangles, being careful not to pull and easing Zuko back into reality even as his brain tried to drag him back into those obsessive thoughts.

_When? Where? How did I not know? Did anything else happen?_

“Do you need me to give you some space?” Katara asked gently when Zuko managed to focus his eyes on her again. “I know you didn’t want anyone touching you before but… you started falling and I didn’t want you to get hurt.” 

Zuko hesitated before shaking his head. Her calm presence was the only thing keeping him _here_. 

Once his world stopped spinning and his heartbeat calmed to a more normal pace, he slowly sat up. An arm slung over his aching stomach, and groaning softly as his pain pulsed through his head. 

“Don’t try to get up on your own,” Katara said firmly before Zuko had the opportunity to even think about it.

She got up first, leaning over him to flush the toilet before holding out a hand to help him up. And Zuko was glad she was there, hardly managing to stand on weak legs and not arguing when she wrapped an arm around his waist to steady him. 

“Thanks, Katara,” Zuko rasped out - barely even managing a hoarse whisper.

“Don’t worry about it. What’re friends for?” Katara said with a small, sympathetic smile. 

Katara had just settled onto the cushion of the couch next to Zuko when Aang called out for her. 

“I’ll be okay,” he said despite honestly not being sure. He didn’t want to be alone but he also didn’t want to be a burden. Sokka was probably still up - maybe he’d sit in the living room to do his homework instead if Zuko asked. “I don’t wanna… interrupt any uh ‘plans’ you guys had,” Zuko muttered, playing idly with his phone but not daring to open it. Jet’s text messages still pulled up beneath the lockscreen.

“What?” Katara squeaked, face flushing red. “Oh - No - We weren’t - That - Um - No. No,” she shook her head, though Zuko couldn’t help but get at least some amusement from her embarrassment, unable to help a small smile despite feeling like absolute hell both physically and emotionally. “We don’t if - if Sokka’s here -”

“That’s a lie,” Zuko couldn’t help but mumble under his breath - having heard more than one frustrated rant about their not-so-sneaky nightly exploits from Sokka.

“So that wasn’t even gonna… What?” Katara cut herself off, eyes narrowing at Zuko. “What’d you say?”

“Nothing,” he chuckled - the huff of laughter surprisingly genuine. 

“Whatever,” Katara huffed. “Anyways, making sure you’re okay is much more important,” she said, voice softening into that gentle, compassionate tone that made Zuko’s heart ache.

They both looked up when they heard a door open and Aang shuffle out - shirtless, sweatpants hanging low on his hips and Zuko couldn’t help but give Katara that _look_ , calling her out on her lie without words. She ignored him but with the way her cheeks went a little pinker he knew she saw it.

“Hey, is… is everything okay?” Aang asked, brows furrowing with concern when his eyes landed on Zuko. “You’re not looking so good.”

“Thanks,” Zuko said dryly, attention back on Aang. “I’ll be fine.”

“Zuko,” Katara sighed heavily. “I… I don’t think you should be alone tonight,” she said gingerly.

Aang frowned. “Did something happen?” he asked. 

“I just got sick, that’s all,” Zuko answered before Katara could.

“And then nearly passed out hyperventilating,” Katara added. “Just let us help, Zuko. We can… do what we used to in highschool when we had sleepovers. Gather all of our blankets and pillows and just sleep on the living room floor. It’ll be fun.”

“I’m okay with that. I bet Sokka’ll join, too, if he’s still up,” Aang said with a grin. 

“Fine,” Zuko huffed, trying not to let on how huge of a weight had just been lifted off of him knowing he wouldn’t be alone with his thoughts and those text messages. “But Aang has to put a shirt on,” he added. 

“Oh uh… Yeah,” Aang muttered as if he had forgotten he was half-naked. “I’ll… do that and grab some blankets if you guys wanna push the coffee table over to the side and start assembling the nest.”

“Ah - Don’t you dare, I’ve got it,” Katara said sharply when Zuko went to get up and help. “You were barely able to stand five minutes ago. Why don’t you see if Sokka wants to help out and join?”

Zuko rolled his eyes at her, but really couldn’t argue when his head spun at the gesture. “Fine,” he said, taking a moment to center himself before slowly standing and going to tap on the open doorway to Sokka’s room until he gained his friend’s attention.

“Hey, what’s up?” Sokka asked, looking up from his computer.

“Uh we’re… making a nest,” Zuko said with a little chuckle. “It was Katara’s idea. I was sent to ask if you wanted to join.”

Sokka raised an eyebrow at him, a slow grin spreading over his face. “You mean like we used to in high school?” he asked amusedly. “I’d much rather do that than this stupid paper so… yeah,” he laughed, setting his laptop on his desk and getting up. Thankfully not mentioning how terrible Zuko was sure he looked. 

No one got a lot of sleep that night. Spending more time reminiscing about high school, complaining about adulthood, various customer-service horror stories and snacking on various things that Sokka and Aang had around the kitchen. 

Still, the easy conversation and friendly teasing did wonders to ease Zuko’s mind. Or at least take it off of Jet. It was hard not to feel safe when he had three of his best friends, an overgrown lapdog, and a bat-eared cat surrounding him. 

Unfortunately reality came crashing down hard on him the next morning when he realized he _hadn’t_ dreamed everything up and that it was real.

That he’s pregnant.

That his ex-boyfriend raped him _three times_ without him even knowing about it.

That Jet had threatened to come find him.

Zuko could hold his own if things got physical and he doubted it even would but that didn't make him feel any better about it.

After all, Jet has never needed to use violence to tear Zuko down to pieces before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it!
> 
> Comments are VERY MUCH appreciated. It always absolutely makes my day when I get a nice comment. Even if it's just a copy/paste of a line you liked or something as small as a heart. 
> 
> <3


	3. Nothing's As Good As it Seems

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! So I finally got around to getting this done lol. Sorry it took so long <3 
> 
> I'm thinking this might end up longer than I had planned but we'll see what happens. Things are moving pretty slow in the beginning here but it isn't always going to be day-by-day like this lol. There's just a LOT happening for poor Zuko right now. 
> 
> We've got some Suki & Zuko friendship-bonding-time, though! So... enjoy?
> 
> **Warning:** There are discussions about abortions in this chapter. Just a heads up in case that's triggering for anyone. Also a point in which Zuko has a panic-attack and has some self-deprecating thoughts.

“I’m gonna fucking kill him,” Sokka growled as he, Katara, and Aang read the text messages Jet had sent Zuko.

“I’ll help,” Katara agreed immediately. “This is absolutely disgusting. I can’t believe he said all of this to you,” she sneered.

Zuko just couldn’t get what Jet said out of his head and was terrified to go to work in case Jet showed up there. He had no idea what he might say in front of Iroh and Zuko wasn’t sure he was ready to tell his Uncle yet. 

So, after everyone got up, Zuko begrudgingly opened the text conversation back up - thankfully there weren't any new ones - and handed his phone over.

“Sokka, Katara,” Aang sighed - no doubt going to try and come up with some non-violent solutions. Which, honestly, was appreciated. Zuko had quickly found out that hurting people - even people that had hurt him - gave him more guilt than relief. 

Zuko just wanted to feel safe again and make sure Jet wouldn’t do this to anyone else. 

Preferably without the guilt. 

“What? Are you reading something different than what we are? You’re not pissed about this?” Sokka challenged, glaring at Aang.

Fuck. That’s not what Zuko wanted.

“Of course I am!” Aang snapped. “But… violence isn’t the answer here. What he did was horrible but… guys, think about it, if Jet gets hurt there’s no telling how that might rebound onto Zuko.”

“And what if he tries to hurt Zuko? Do you want us to just stand by?” Sokka argued. 

“Guys, it’s fine. I’ll be fine,” Zuko muttered, but his words were ignored.

“That’s different,” Aang sighed. “I was just saying that we shouldn’t seek him out with the intention to hurt him.”

“No one was saying that!” Sokka snapped.

Katara said something then, but her words were muffled and far away. Drowned out by the sudden ringing in his ears as he stared sightlessly down at the table. Heart beating fast and hard, frustration tugging at his gut because he just couldn’t stand his friends arguing over this. 

All Zuko wanted was to find out if anyone would be okay with hanging around the Jasmine Dragon during his shift today. Or at the very least if one of them could keep their phone on just in case. Just _something_ so Zuko knew he’d have backup or a way out if he needed it without involving his Uncle.

Not the three of them fighting over whether to murder his ex-boyfriend or not.

He groaned in frustration, rubbing his hands over his face and just trying not to _scream_.

“...Zuko?”

Katara’s voice made him jerk his head up to look at them - three pairs of eyes now staring at him. 

“What?” he asked sharply. 

Katara hesitated a moment, a look of shock passing over her face before she spoke. “What do _you_ need from us?” she asked softly. “We’ll do whatever you want. Whatever you think you need to stay safe.”

Zuko let out a heavy sigh of relief, anger and frustration melting away now that he didn’t have to fight to be heard. “Is anyone free to come just… hang around the Jasmine Dragon? Or… even just the mall. Somewhere nearby?”

The three of them were silent, looking around at each other in confusion which just brought all of that anger rushing back.

“What?!” Zuko snapped when no one said anything for a moment.

“...It’s nothing, we just,” Aang hesitated, “We didn’t think you were going to work today.”

“Well I’m scheduled today so… yeah, I kind of have to,” Zuko scoffed, shaking his head. It wasn’t like he was picking up a shift or going in unscheduled so he wasn’t sure why that was even a question. 

“Not to tell you what to do, dude, but… maybe you should take the day off,” Sokka said, voice contrastingly soft and full of concern. 

“I have to agree with Sokka. Yesterday was pretty rough for you,” Katara said. 

Zuko bit his tongue against the anger building inside of him, trying to listen to the rational side of himself saying that his friends were just trying to help. That it wasn’t fair to be angry at them. They didn’t do anything wrong. 

_They don’t think you’re weak. They’re not mocking you. They’re just worried. Stop being an asshole._

He took in a deep breath and slowly let it out before speaking. 

“I can’t just bail on my Uncle,” Zuko said. “Anyway… what if Jet shows up and I’m _not_ there? I have no idea what he might say to Uncle or… or anyone else working today,” Zuko stressed. 

“As terrible as Jet might be, I don’t think he’s stupid enough to mess with Iroh,” Katara pointed out. 

“Yeah. Anyway, even when he was blowing up my phone he never mentioned anything that happened,” Sokka shrugged. “He’s probably trying to keep this as hush-hush as possible.”

“Okay, but still… I can’t let my Uncle down by calling in at the last minute,” Zuko argued. Anyways, not going to work meant he might have to go _home_ and he still wasn’t sure if he could do that. Not alone, at least.

“When do you have to work?” Aang asked.

“...At two,” Zuko said slowly, slumping back against the kitchen chair and knowing exactly what was going to come next.

“Then that’s not at the last minute,” Aang said cheerfully. “It’s like 10AM right now. That’s plenty of time to find coverage.” 

Zuko chewed on his lip, unsure whether the prospect of going to work with the possibility that Jet might show up there was worse than the idea of not having anything to do as a distraction and possibly having to go home.

_What if he shows up at the condo?_

That sudden thought sent ice cold dread through Zuko’s veins. No. There was no way he could go home alone.

Jet still had a key to his place.

Fuck.

“You still with us, buddy?” Sokka asked tentatively. 

“I… I don’t want to go home. He’s got a key. I…” Zuko stammered, for all he knew Jet could be there _now_ waiting for him. 

There was a collective, “ _Oh,”_ from the other three. 

“You don’t have to go home, Zuko,” Katara started after a second. “You can stay here or… You can come with me to my place. I’m not sure what Toph is up to but Suki does her livestreams and editing on Wednesdays so she’ll be home all day and we don’t have to tell her what happened if you don’t want to. But that way you won’t be alone when the three of us have class.”

“I think that’s a good idea. And there’s enough time before we have to leave so we could go with you to your place if you need to grab anything,” Aang offered.

“And then after Aang and I are out of class we’ll go change the locks so he can’t get in,” Sokka added, getting a nod of agreement from Aang.

“Okay. Okay, fine,” Zuko relented. “I’ll… call Uncle and then I probably should grab my laptop so I can catch up on the school work I was supposed to get done yesterday,” Zuko sighed. “And,” he continued slowly, “Um… It’s fine to - to tell Suki about it all. If anyone wants to catch her up but… I don’t want to explain it again.”

“That’s understandable. How about I go fill Suki in while you guys go with Zuko so he can get his stuff?” Katara suggested. “We can meet at my place and then Aang, Sokka, and I can still carpool,” she said.

“Sounds good to me. Zuko?” Sokka asked.

“Yeah, I’m okay with that,” Zuko said, leaning over to grab his phone back from them. 

After they all finished breakfast, Zuko called Iroh while Sokka and Aang got ready to leave. He gave a generic excuse about not feeling well which, unsurprisingly, worried Iroh to no end. 

Anyway, Zuko has only called off of work _one time_ in the four years he’s worked for his Uncle and that was from a severe case of food poisoning that nearly sent him to the hospital. There’s been a few times where his Uncle had sent him home or, when he was still living with Iroh, forbade him from going because he was sick or, on a few occasions, injured. But this would be the second time that Zuko willingly called and told Iroh he couldn’t come in.

By the time Zuko managed to convince his Uncle that he wasn’t actively dying, Sokka and Aang were ready to go and they headed out.

Unfortunately, Zuko had forgotten that he hadn’t taken care of the various pamphlets he got from Planned Parenthood. So there were still nearly a dozen on the passenger seat with information about all stages of pregnancy, lists of doctors and what insurances they take, different types of adoption, and the abortion services they offer and what those are like. 

And one with a list of different crisis and suicide prevention hotlines as well as the various therapists in the area, what they specialize in, and the numbers for their offices. 

“Shit, sorry,” Zuko cursed, quickly gathering them up and haphazardly stuffing them into the pocket on the back of the passenger’s seat so Aang could actually get in without having to sit on a bunch of paper.

“It’s alright,” Aang shrugged, waiting patiently and getting in once the seat was clear.

Once both Aang and Sokka were in and buckled, Zuko started to drive, trying desperately not to think about the possibility of Jet waiting for him there. 

“Did they talk to you about any of this stuff or just shove a ton of pamphlets at you?” Sokka asked suddenly and Zuko could see him flipping through the various pamphlets when he glanced in the rearview mirror.

“Um… I don’t know,” Zuko answered honestly. “I don’t really remember much after the ultrasound,” he added numbly.

“Oh. Right, sorry,” Sokka muttered. 

“It’s fine,” Zuko muttered on reflex, trying to stay concentrated on the road even when his mind was split into several different directions. The reminder that there was a very time-sensitive and life-changing decision waiting for him didn’t help.

He had absolutely no idea what he wanted to do about it. His first reaction, trying to keep his lunch down while the horrible realization set in that he actually was pregnant, was to ask for an abortion. They told him that he’d have to call scheduling to set up a consultation. And now he wasn’t sure if he still wanted to do that. But -

“...light’s red, Zuko - Zuko, the light is red! The -”

“Fuck!” Zuko cursed, slamming on the breaks as Aang’s increasingly frantic voice finally filtered into his consciousness. The tires squealed in protest as the car came to a quick, abrupt stop nearly underneath said street light. 

The air was forcefully punched out of Zuko’s lungs as his back hit the seat hard, heart pounding and fingers gripping the steering wheel so tight it hurt. Thankfully there wasn’t anyone behind them, and Zuko took a few shallow, shaky breaths before speaking. “Is… is everyone okay?” he asked hesitantly, wincing at how thin and weak his voice sounded, shaking just about as much as the rest of him was. 

“Yeah,” Aang breathed, sounding mostly unaffected. 

“...Sokka?” Zuko asked, swallowing audibly and slowly easing off the break as the light turned green.

“Yeup,” Sokka answered tightly from the backseat. “‘M fine. Just… a little whiplash.”

Zuko let out a soft sigh of relief, driving hyper-aware and in silence for the rest of the way.

There were no signs of Jet’s car in the parking lot, but Sokka still went in with Zuko - Aang stayed in the car to keep an eye out on the off chance that Jet showed up during the couple minutes they were there. 

Luckily, his condo was in one piece and it didn’t look like Jet had been there. Zuko still made a point not to linger but couldn’t help but pause when he went into his bedroom to grab a change of clothes in case he ended up staying the night again.

It was like a sudden chill filled the air as he flicked the light on.

A full day hasn’t even gone by since Zuko was here but _so much_ had changed in those 24 hours and suddenly it felt like years - lifetimes - since he’s seen his own room.

When he woke up yesterday, Jet was spooned up behind him, arms wrapped around him and holding him tight against his chest. Zuko tried so hard not to wake him up as he slipped out of his hold so he could get ready for his morning shift before his appointment. Jet woke up anyways and pulled him back down for a few soft, sleepy kisses before letting Zuko leave the bed. He told him that he loved him and Zuko _believed it_ then. All the way up until he saw the fuzzy grey outline of a _fetus_ on an ultrasound. 

Now the mere _thought_ of being so close to Jet made him feel like vomiting. 

No matter how many times Zuko asked, he never re-made the bed if he was the last one up so the grey sheets and maroon blankets were bunched up at the foot and pillows askew. Which meant Zuko couldn’t even pretend that Jet _hadn’t_ been there - that he never had been - and Zuko suddenly had the strong urge to set his bed on fire. 

Pushing away those thoughts and feelings, Zuko tossed his backpack onto the bed and hurried to grab a change of clothes to shove in the bag alongside his books and laptop. His hands shook as he struggled with the zipper, growling in frustration, and tears burning his eyes when it caught. 

“Fuck, just _zip_ goddammit! Fucking stupid piece of shit, _augh_!” Zuko shoved the backpack away from him before he set _it_ on fire. 

Hot tears spilled over and suddenly Zuko felt dizzy; head spinning, heart pounding, and sucking in quick shaky breaths. He slouched over, sinking down onto the bed and burying his face in shaking hands as his mind raced.

_Why are you getting so fucking upset over this? It’s just a stupid zipper. There’s no reason to be crying over it. What the fuck is wrong with me? I can’t do anything right. Even zip a goddamn bag. And now I’m crying over it like a fucking child; this is so ridiculous. And I nearly killed everyone earlier because I also can’t fucking drive apparently and I let myself get so drunk Jet was able to fuck - no, rape. It was rape. It was… My fault, though. I shouldn’t have drank so much. I shouldn’t have trusted him. I -_

Those thoughts derailed when a pair of hands gripped his shoulders and Sokka’s voice brought him back to reality.

Zuko hadn’t even heard Sokka come into his room and had no idea how long he may have been there. He also didn’t know when his shaky breaths turned into hiccuping sobs or when he had brought his legs up to curl into a tight ball at the edge of the bed or when he wrapped his arms around himself and started to dig his nails into his biceps through the fabric of the hoodie he wore. 

“Zuko, hey buddy, you’re okay, it’s alright. You’re _safe_ , I promise,” Sokka’s voice was gentle and calm as he spoke. “I got you, Zu, no one’s gonna hurt you. Take a couple deep breaths with me,” Sokka said, one of his thumbs rubbing circles against Zuko’s shoulder.

Listening to Sokka’s voice - talking him through slowing his breathing, speaking so soft and sure with no hint of ridicule or judgement despite the sudden break down - helped Zuko drown out those thoughts. Slowly but surely, he managed to get the tears to stop and his heart rate to come back down to a more normal pace.

“I-I’m okay,” Zuko said, clearing his throat softly when his voice cracked. “I’m fine,” he tried again, pulling away and wiping his face with his sleeve. 

“Okay. Okay,” Sokka nodded, standing and going quiet for a few seconds while Zuko pulled himself together. “Uh - Did you get everything you need?” he asked.

“Yeah. Yeah, I… Um…” Zuko gestured towards the backpack on the bed, half of the stuff in it spilled out. “The… Uh - I might’ve broken the zipper, I dunno,” he admitted, feeling his face heat up in embarrassment. 

“Huh.” Sokka leaned over to nudge everything back into the bag before standing it up and fiddling with it for a few moments. “Aha! There we go - It just came off the tracks a little,” he grinned triumphantly as he zipped it closed and handed it out to Zuko.

“Oh,” Zuko muttered, slinging the backpack over his shoulder. “Well… that’s all I needed so,” he shrugged, walking around Sokka to go back out the door and down the hallway that led out to the living room and kitchen areas - assuming Sokka was following him.

They were approaching the doors that led out of the complex when Sokka spoke up again. 

“Hey, so uh… No offense but d’you mind if I drive?” Sokka asked, taking Zuko a little off guard by the question.

At least until he remembered what had happened earlier. “Uh… Yeah, I guess,” he sighed, not having the energy to argue and figuring that he'd probably lose that argument anyway. He dug his keys out of his pocket and tossed them over to Sokka as they walked out to the parking lot.

Sokka managed to catch them and they soon found Aang waiting anxiously outside the car, wondering what took so long and why they hadn’t answered his texts - worried that something had happened but also that they were going to be late. And Zuko would forever be grateful that Aang took Sokka’s lie about losing the ball on one of his ear piercings at face value. It was bad enough that Sokka had to see his ridiculous little breakdown. Aang didn’t also need to know about it.

By the time they got to the townhouse that Katara, Suki, and Toph shared, Katara was impatiently waiting outside. 

After some quick goodbyes - Katara also letting Zuko know that Toph was at work so it was just Suki there - Zuko could hear Katara berating Sokka for his clumsiness. Feeling guilty, Zuko sent him a little apologetic look that was returned by an easy smile and nonchalant shrug.

Zuko let himself into the house as his friends took off, trying not to let his brain drag him back into a cycle of self-deprecating thoughts. 

“Hey,” he greeted when he saw Suki in the living room as he kicked his shoes off. He walked in and sat in the recliner adjacent to where Suki was stretched out on the couch, working on her laptop. “How’s the editing going?” he asked casually, though he couldn’t help the anxiety clawing at his stomach, not sure if she would say anything about what Katara presumably told her or not.

“Fucking horrible,” she scoffed, looking up from her screen to look at Zuko instead. “I found out my camera was out of focus for like… nearly half of the video.”

“Oof,” Zuko winced sympathetically. “Are you gonna have to reshoot?” he asked, digging his own laptop out so he could hopefully get some work done on the research paper due next week.

“Well… the audio turned out okay so I might just redo the intro and cut the facecam out of the first half. I really don’t want to replay that part of the game,” she rolled her eyes.

“I don’t think you’ll get too much hate for that,” Zuko said. 

“I guess,” Suki sighed. “How’re you doing?” she asked after a moment.

She said it casually, but the words still felt weighted; Zuko wasn’t sure if that was just in his own mind or not, though.

He also wasn’t sure how to answer. There was no way she’d believe it if he lied and said he was alright. But knowing Suki, Zuko didn’t think she’d call him out on it or pressure him for a more truthful answer. Still, he didn’t want to create any tension by obviously lying to his friend’s face. Even if she didn’t say anything, Zuko knew that she’d _know_. 

And… now he’s taken too long to answer and Suki is looking at him all concerned. 

“That bad?” she spoke up after another few long seconds of silence, a sympathetic smile gracing her face. 

Zuko let out the breath he’d been holding slowly, somehow those two words took some of the pressure off and lightened the presence of the unspoken topic. “Sokka wouldn’t even let me drive,” he scoffed with a hint of self-deprecating humor. 

“Oof,” Suki winced in a perfect imitation of Zuko’s prior reaction to her plights. “Have you eaten at all today?” she asked, “Because… I’m hungry and was thinking some shitty Chinese food sounds excellent for lunch.”

“Uh… I’m not sure I could stomach that right now,” Zuko said - he’s felt nauseous on and off since waking up which he was very strictly trying to ignore now knowing that the nausea he’s been feeling is _morning sickness_.

“Okay. How about… Thai? You could get that soup you like,” Suki suggested.

Zuko hesitated - he really didn’t feel like eating but considering all he’s managed is _one_ piece of toast (only because Katara forced him to) he figured he should at least try. “Yeah. Sounds good. I can cover it if you’ll call and order,” he said, already digging into his pocket to grab his wallet. 

“Uh no,” Suki argued, closing her laptop and setting it to the side so she could sit up more and reach for her phone. “You’ve had a rough couple of days - let me get it this time.”

“C’mon, it’s not like I’m short on money. Just take it,” Zuko scoffed, holding his debit card out to her. “Please?”

“You _do_ know that you don’t always have to buy all of us food and stuff all the time, right? Like… You know that’s not why we like having you around, _right_?” she asked, even as she leaned over to grab his card. 

“Yes, I know,” Zuko said, receiving an eye-roll in return as Suki called the restaurant.

That was… mostly true. Zuko didn’t have access to any of the money he had now until he was 18 so there were a few short years there in High School after he was adopted into the group when all he had was the spare change he made working at his Uncle’s tea shop. 

Then the trust fund payments started coming. 

Apparently Ozai had signed into an agreement and stocked money away for both Zuko and Azula when they were first born to start being dispensed when they turned 18. Those agreements - luckily for Zuko and his sister - were untouchable. Ozai couldn’t do anything about it no matter how badly he wanted to. Zuko still worked for his Uncle to help out, but the trust fund payments were _more than_ enough for him to live comfortably by themselves.

Which meant Zuko was able to pay his bills, spoil his friends, and still have quite a bit building up in savings with no actual plans for it currently. 

Suki handed his card back when she was done with the order and a comfortable silence fell over them as she went back to editing and he started working on his paper. 

It was nice. The easy quiet of Suki’s presence while they worked on their own things, no weird tension in the air to remind Zuko of what happened which allowed him to focus on his homework until a knock on the door signified that their food had arrived. 

“How’s your soup?” Suki asked after they settled - both of them just sitting on the floor in front of the coffee table - and started eating. 

“I think it’s the first thing I’ve eaten for like two weeks that hasn’t made me nauseous so… Amazing,” Zuko said honestly. Only realizing that he was actually pretty hungry after he started eating. 

“Well, you’re welcome for my _genius_ idea, then,” Suki teased and Zuko responded by rolling his eyes at her, though he couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face. “So…” she spoke up again after a couple of minutes eating in relative silence. “Have you uh… thought at all about what you wanna do?” she asked.

Zuko frowned, tilting his head at her. It didn’t take a lot to figure out what she was asking about, though, when she pointedly looked down towards his stomach.

“ _Oh_ ,” he breathed. “Um… No. I… have no idea.”

“Understandable,” Suki nodded. “I’m here if you ever need to talk it out. I know sometimes just having someone to bounce ideas off of helps.”

“Thanks,” Zuko said with a soft sigh, chewing on his lip. Suddenly he wasn’t feeling that hungry anymore, staring idly down at the soup container before glancing back up at Suki to see her pick out a piece of chicken from her own to-go container. “It’s just… really weird,” he said, the words tumbling out of his mouth before he really thought about it, he dropped his gaze back down to stare at the table when Suki looked towards him. “I never… I didn’t think it’d be something I’d ever have to worry about. I’ve never really even thought about if I want kids or not _at all_.”

“That’s fair,” Suki commented, hesitating a moment. “We’ll all be here for you, y’know. No matter what,” she assured. “Whether you keep it or not.”

“I know,” Zuko said - and _that_ was genuine, at least. 

“And,” Suki started, taking in a deep breath and slowly letting it out, “Um… I have some… _personal_ experience if you - uh - had any questions about like… having an abortion. What happens. Y’know. Shit they don’t tell you in the pamphlets.”

Zuko frowned over at her, but now _Suki_ was just staring idly down at her food - nudging around noodles with her chopsticks. “Oh,” Zuko managed in a breath, really not sure what else to say. What was _okay_ to say. Obviously it wasn’t something she talked about often considering Zuko’s never heard about it before.

“Yeah, um… Senior year. Sokka and I were stupid a few times and it caught up with us. And… we just decided it wasn’t something we needed to tell everyone about. Not for any particular reason. We weren’t trying to _hide_ it or anything and I don’t mind anyone else knowing but I’m not sure how Sokka would feel so…”

“I won’t say anything,” Zuko said before Suki even had to ask. “Thanks. For uh… telling me. I… I really have no idea if that’s what I… want. I mean, it was my first thought after they told me and it makes me feel sick knowing there’s a part of _him_ inside of me but…” Zuko trailed off with a heavy sigh, shaking his head and slumping back against the foot of the recliner.

“...You already feel like it’s part of _you_ , too? Like… It’s got a piece of your soul and heart and there’s some weird knee-jerk compulsion to protect it even though there’s absolutely no reason to feel like that?” Suki offered

“It’s so fucking stupid,” Zuko groaned, burying his face against his hands. “I shouldn’t _want_ to keep it.”

“Hey, it’s not stupid,” Suki said quickly. “I… I can’t even start to imagine what you’re feeling and… your situation is completely 100% different than what I went through but… I felt that, too. That… connection. Like it was something I needed to protect and care for even though I was… a fucking teenager in High School. I’m… not sure if everyone goes through that. Probably not. But you’re not alone if that makes you feel any better.”

Zuko gave a half-shrug, dropping his hands away from his face and pulling his knees up against his chest instead. He rested his chin on his knees, glancing over at Suki for a moment. “Why did you -” he cut himself off, realizing halfway through speaking the question - _why did you do it?_ \- that it may be overstepping or somehow not-okay. “Sorry, you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to,” he muttered quickly.

“It’s okay. I don’t mind,” Suki said sincerely. “There was just no way we could afford to support a baby and… even though we both _wanted_ to keep it, we knew we couldn’t realistically give it the life it deserves and that… we would _want_ to give any children we might have. As hard as it was, I don’t regret it. I think I made the right choice and… I think Sokka agrees.”

“Hm,” Zuko muttered, chewing on his lip and idly picking at a loose string on one of the sleeves of his hoodie. “Do you…” he started after a few long seconds of silence, faltering for a moment and taking in a deep breath before speaking again. “Just… I know I _could_ support a child. I have the money but… that doesn’t mean I’d be a good father -” there was _more than_ enough evidence that money ≠ good parenting reflected in the scar marring his face “- and there’s _no way_ Jet will ever be part of their life. It’d just be me. So do… do you think it’s - that it would be… I dunno, selfish? If I kept it?”

“What?” Suki asked, sounding genuinely baffled by his question. “No - God, no, Zuko. It’s not - that’s not selfish _at all_ , okay? And _fuck_ Jet. A kid doesn’t need two parents in order to have a good life. I, personally, think you’d be a _great_ father and don’t forget - You’re not alone in this. It wouldn’t ever be _just_ you. You’ve got all of us on your side to help,” she said.

The sincerity and conviction in her voice made Zuko’s heart ache and he wasn’t sure how to even respond. He wasn’t sure yet about _anything_ , least of all if he was actually going to keep the baby or not but he felt less like he was alone and in the dark. 

“Thank you, Suki,” Zuko managed sincerely, though it didn’t quite feel like _enough_. 

“Anytime,” Suki said with a smile. “...So long as I’m not in the middle of a stream,” she added teasingly.

“Of course,” Zuko chuckled, rolling his eyes at her and just like that everything was easy and _normal_ again with her.

Which is exactly what Zuko needed at the moment.


End file.
